26 September 2008

Good News

The good news is that I'm going back to school! After much thought, prayer and meditation I've decided to go back to school at PNCA. I wasn't going to for a while, and I didn't, but I think now that I've got things straightened out a little better I'm going to give school another shot.

I've also thought about the direction my work could go in and I've decided that I really want to do work with plant propagation and using the plants in my work, using them as my work, etc. I'm really excited to see where this is headed.

So after the wedding we'll be moving to Portland, OR sometime before school starts. Anyway, we're going to visit Ohio (Joel's parents) this weekend, it was going to be next weekend but both of us had an unexpected amount of days off of work so we're taking advantage of it. This way we don't even have to ask days off from work to do this!

15 September 2008

These are some photos of insects and other creepy crawlies from the farm that I'm finally uploading for you all to see!

This is a katydid, approximately 2.5 inches long. Thats one big bug!

Common house spider.

Can you spot that mantid? Hint: in the lower right quarter..

Thats the female Praying Mantis.

So things are still really rocky. I'm possibly going to California for the 3 weeks to a month before I get married to spend time with my mom (and family) and take care of wedding stuff and chill out. I still haven't decided what I want to do for sure yet because I feel bad about leaving Joel again, but we've done it before and we did it well. I also feel bad about not having involved my mom for the most part in the wedding stuff. So I don't really know what will happen, it would be nice not to have to pay for rent for sure but is that the most important thing? So many things are going on and it makes me sick to try to comprehend it all. I need some perspective.

11 September 2008

Life as it Goes

Life can be disappointing. And speaking of disappointing, I'm sorry to those of you who read my blog, or did. I'm going to try to write more. In any case, the disappointment. Yesterday Joel and I were driving around the Woodberry/Clipper Mill area and I saw the BioHabitats firm. So I decided to stop in and see if they had anything to offer. I don't know what I was quite looking for, perhaps a job, volunteer work, internship. Who knows, I just want to learn about environmental restoration. That's what they're all about anyways. ( http://biohabitats.com/ )

I was able to talk with Tim Burkett who deals with employment at the firm. It was helpful, really helpful -- and really disappointing. I found out that what I was hoping to do, willing to finish school for... just doesn't exist. I want to work outside, plant native species, rip out invasive species, collect bugs, research things and collect data. This job doesn't exist. Why not? Ask someone else because I do not know.

Now it is time to move on and figure out what I need to do. Someday I want to own a cafe and used book store. I do want to continue learning but school is so ridiculous to me. I don't want to be an executive anything, I don't want to be an artist, I can't be the biologist that I want to be. So what now? If anyone wants to give me ideas besides working in a coffee shop or retail, I would really appreciate it. I need inspiration and a goal. My goal was ripped out from me and now I feel aimless and confused. Like walking in a cloud, with diffused light and muffled sounds. Where do I go from here?